Never Split the Difference – by Chris Voss
Date read: 10/23/19. Recommendation: 8/10.
An insightful look into principles of effective negotiation from the perspective of former hostage negotiator, now professor, Chris Voss. He provides his own direct accounts of high-stakes negotiations – from bank robberies to kidnappings and hostage negotiations – and dissects the tactics, strategies, and principles he leveraged along the way to diffuse the situation and achieve a favorable outcome. These include powerful concepts like calibrated questions – open-ended questions that get the other side talking and create the illusion of control. The value in this book is that Voss provides tools to navigate more common negotiations like job offers, salaries, big purchases, and everyday meetings.
See my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.
My Notes:
“Any response that’s not an outright rejection of your offer means you have the edge.” CV
Calibrated questions:
Open-ended questions give the other side the illusion of control, gets them talking.
Variation of “How am I supposed to do that?” helps create doubt, gets them negotiating against themselves.
Active listening:
If you want to calm the voice in someone else’s head and get them to let their guard down, focus 100% of your attention on listening to them and actually hearing what they have to say.
^Another way to to train this muscle is through improv.
Don’t go too fast. Trust comes from slowing down and taking the time to pause with someone – making sure they don’t feel rushed.
Mirroring:
Repeat the last three words back to someone, they will inevitably elaborate on what they said first. Insinuates similarity, encourages other side to bond with you and reveal more.
Labeling:
Validates someone else’s emotion, allows them to feel heard, allows you to create a sense of safety and understanding. Diffuses the power of the emotion over the conversation.
“It seems like, it sounds like, or it looks like…”