Derek Sivers

Useful Not True – Derek Sivers

Useful Not True by Derek Sivers
Date read: 6/17/24. Recommendation: 9/10.

One of my favorite things about Derek’s book is that he never tells you what to do. There’s never a checklist at the end of each chapter pretending to give you the answer or steps to follow. His books are just observations and stories. The value is in how you see yourself reflected and the connections they lead you to. In Useful Not True, Derek invites us to reframe our ideas around adopting thoughts because they’re useful, not because they’re inherently true. My favorite chapters focus on choosing beliefs for the actions they lead to, meaning as something that’s all our own, and judging individual ideas rather than attempting to classify someone as exclusively one thing—brilliant, foolish, right, wrong, etc. There is no other writer who is as succinct and thought-provoking.

Check out my notes below and Derek’s website to grab your copy.

My Notes:

“This book is about reframing. It should persuade you to adopt thoughts because they’re useful to you, not because they’re true.” Derek Sivers

Perspective:
Your perspective might be useful but it’s not the entire picture. “No picture is the whole picture. Everyone selects an angle and presents just one point of view.” Derek Sivers

 Ground yourself in today’s actions:
People claim the power of visualization but none of us know how we’re going to react to what happens. It could be surprisingly good or bad once you get beneath the surface (Parable of the Chinese Farmer). Focus on today’s actions.

Judgments disguised as facts:
“People try to pass off judgements as facts. For example:
Calling someone ‘needy’ means ‘I couldn’t give that person what they wanted.’
Calling someone ‘stubborn’ means ‘That person didn’t give me what I wanted.’
Notice that words like these sound like facts about the person being judged, but they tell you more about the person judging.” Derek Sivers

Rewrite the rules:
“Rules set expectations and the terms of the game. They’re a useful starting point, but they’re not the final answer.” Derek Sivers

“The world is as negotiable as a flea market in Marrakesh. Only a fool doesn’t haggle. Whenever presented with rules, think of it as a game that can be changed.” Derek Sivers

Being wrong isn’t a threat:
Adopt a scout mindset (see Julia Galef): “It’s helpful to be wrong or confused. Being wrong makes you try a different approach. Feeling confused makes you clarify or question your assumptions. It’s intellectual humility.” Derek Sivers

Experiencing events that aren’t actually happening:
We can’t waste so much of our lives spiraling through arguments, conflicts, and threats in our heads when, in reality, actual events aren’t nearly that dire. Imaginary conversations are an obsessive trick we use to keep ourselves safe. Not everyone is an enemy. Not every passing comment is a threat. No one is spending that much time thinking about or plotting against you.

You are the strange one:
“Did ancient people really worship Zeus, Athena, Odin, Loki, Thor and all of that? They knew those were just stories, right? Foreigners have weird beliefs we call superstitions. But when it comes to our own beliefs? No no no! Those are just true!” Derek Sivers

Use beliefs to your advantage:
“Beliefs cause emotions. Emotions cause actions. Choose a belief for the action it will cause.” Derek Sivers

“What is the point of beliefs if they don’t shape actions?” Derek Sivers

Judge the contents not the box:
Best-selling book filled with wisdom but a few sentences were found to be plagiarized so people dismiss the whole book. “That’s the problem with judging a box instead of its contents. It’s seeking ‘true’ instead of useful. When any aspect of a package is flawed, it no longer feels ‘true’, so all of it is discarded. Then you lose the benefits — the baby with the bathwater.” Derek Sivers

One idea you disagree with doesn’t mean a person is “bad” or “unintelligent.” People can have both good ideas and bad ideas.

Meaning:
“Nothing has inherent meaning. Whatever meaning you project into it is your own.” Derek Sivers

Meanings are useful, not true: “Meanings can help you feel your life is important, with a narrative and purpose. Meanings can help you make peace with events out of your control. Meanings can give you a reason to persist in difficult times. But they’re internal, not external. They’re yours, not others’.” Derek Sivers

Let your voice evolve:
“Great artists change their trademark style, to keep growing. Stop defining yourself in a limiting and over-simplified way. You have different aspects to your personality…Directions take turns. Going one way can work until it doesn’t. To get you where you want to go next, what direction is needed?” Derek Sivers

Is it useful? What are you going to do with it?
“Instead of asking if it’s true, ask yourself if it’s useful to you.” Derek Sivers

How to Live – Derek Sivers

How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion by Derek Sivers
Date read: 5/3/24. Recommendation: 9/10.

True to form, Derek Sivers offers a succinct, thought-provoking read that examines conflicting philosophies. The book considers independence AND commitment, orienting yourself toward the future AND placing greater value on what has endured, focusing on the immediate seconds in front of you AND thinking super-long-term. In the end, living well is about balance and holding competing ideas in mind.

Check out my notes below or Derek’s website to see top highlights and grab your copy.

My Notes:

Self-sufficiency:
“Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself.”

“You can’t be free without self-mastery.”

“If you are proud of what you made, it was a success.”

Commitment:
“You can stop seeking the best option. Pick one and irreversibly commit.” 

“When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it.”

“Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.”

Trust:
“Trust helps your happiness more than income or health.”

“Be absolutely honest with everyone. Stop lying, completely. You lie when you’re afraid. You live to avoid consequences. Always say the truth. Take the painful consequences.” 

Stillness:
“In your most peaceful moments, your mind is quiet. You’re not thinking you should be doing anything else.”

“There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing.”

Perspective:
Loosen the grip your current concerns have over you: “A year from now, will it be important? Ten years from now? Zoom out as far as you need to make it unimportant. Then you’re free of it.”

Challenge:
“Striving makes you happy. Pursuit is the opposite of depression.” 

“Everything good comes from some kind of pain. Muscle fatigue makes you healthy and strong. The pain of practice leads to mastery. Difficult conversations save your relationships.” 

“Wealth brings the pain of responsibility. Fame brings the pain of expectations. Love brings the pain of attachment. If you avoid pain, you avoid what you really want.” 

Seek discomfort: “The softer the chair, the harder it is to get out of it.”

Communication:
“To communicate clearly, you have to think clearly. Writing is refined thinking.”

“Small talk is just a way of matching the other person’s tone and mood. It helps them be comfortable with you.”

“Whenever you’re thinking something nice about someone, tell them.”

Fulfillment:
“Shallow happy is what you want now. Deep happy is what you want most.”

“Shallow happy is trying to conquer the world. Deep happy is conquering yourself.”

Momentum:
“Don’t be the dragon in the mountain, just sitting on your gold. Don’t lose momentum in life. Once you’ve done it, take it with you and do something else.”

“Jump into action without hesitation or worry. You’ll be faster and do more than everyone else. What takes them a month will take you an hour, so you can do it ten times a day.” 

Create:
“The way to live is to create. Die empty. Get every idea out of your head and into reality.”

“Most people die with everything still inside of them.”

“Which would you rather be? Someone who hasn’t created anything in years because you’re so busy consuming? Or someone who hasn’t consumed anything in years because you’re so busy creating?”

“Originality just means hiding your sources.”

Moderation:
“Balancing everything is how to live.”