Relentless by Tim S. Grover
Date read: 3/4/24. Recommendation: 8/10.

Having trained and worked with some of the greatest athletes for decades—Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade—Grover details their mindsets, how they operate, and what drives them. The common thread between top performers is that they’re relentless, ruthless, and trust their instincts. It’s a great counter to many of today’s popular self-help books that talk about reducing stress, embracing slow productivity, and maintaining balance. Grover shares insightful, counterintuitive advice on running towards stress, imposing your standards, and seeking respect over friendship. Not for everyone, but if you’re in the mood for a book about cultivating a killer mindset, check this one out.

Check out my notes below or Amazon for details and reviews.

My Notes:

On criticism that his book isn’t prescriptive enough:
“‘It doesn’t tell you what to do.’ That is 100 percent accurate. Why should anyone want to be told what to do? The whole point of this book is that in order to be successful, to truly have what you want in your life, you must stop waiting to be told what to do and how to do it. Your goals, your decisions, your commitment. If you can’t see the end result, how can anyone else see it for you?” Tim Grover

Trusting yourself:
Working with NBA legends: “He flew two thousand miles to hear these two words: Don’t think.” Tim Grover

“This book is about following those instincts, facing the truth, and getting rid of the excuses that stand between you and your goals.” Tim Grover

“Here’s the key: I’m not going to tell you how to change. People don’t change. I want you to trust who you already are…” Tim Grover

“When you become too focused on what’s going on around you, you lose touch with what’s going on deep inside you.” Tim Grover

Standards:
“From this point, your strategy is to make everyone else get on your level; you’re not going down to theirs. You’re not competing with anyone else, ever again. They’re going to have to compete with you.” Tim Grover

“Physical dominance can make you great. Mental dominance is what ultimately makes you unstoppable.” Tim Grover

Cleaners:
Most intense, driven competitors. Refuse limitations. Do whatever it takes. Addiction to success defines you.

“Why do I call them Cleaners? Because they take responsibility for everything. When something goes wrong, they don’t blame others because they never really count on anyone else to get the job done in the first place.” Tim Grover

Dark side:
“Cleaners have a dark side, and a zone you can’t enter. They get what they want, but they pay for it in solitude. Excellence is lonely. They never stop working, physically or mentally, because it gives them too much time to think about what they’ve had to endure or sacrifice to get to the top.” Tim Grover

All Cleaners have slow-burning anger, but it never becomes blind rage. Channel this into results, staying steady and unemotional. Get to work. 

“A Cleaner thinks, if I’m feeling nervous, how the fuck are they feeling? They have to deal with me.” Tim Grover

Pressure:
“Most people run from stress. I run to it. Stress keeps you sharp, it challenges you in ways you never imagined and forces you to solve issues and manage situations that send weaker people running for cover. You can’t succeed without it. Your level of success is defined by how well you embrace it and manage it.” Tim Grover

“Everyone wants to cut back on stress, because stress kills. I say bullshit. Stress is what brings you to life. Let it motivate you, make you work harder. Use it, don’t run from it.” Tim Grover

Presence:
“The loudest guy in the room is the one with the most to prove, and no way to prove it. A Cleaner has no need to announce his presence; you’ll know he’s there by the way he carries himself.” Tim Grover

Respect, not friendship: “Kobe rarely goes out with teammates, he’d rather work out or watch game film. And he’d much rather have your respect than your friendship. Michael was the same, so was Bird. They relied on their small inner circles of trusted friends—not teammates—who didn’t need to be entertained or impressed.” Tim Grover

Make your own decisions:
“To Cleaners, trusting others is the same as giving up control, and they usually have a painfully hard time with that. Cleaners have this in common: at some point they learned they could only trust themselves…it forced them to rely on the sheer power of their gut instinct, and they realized that to survive and succeed, they could never take their hands off the wheel.” Tim Grover

“Michael was insistent on handling his own responsibilities. He didn’t wait for a security guy or a driver or a stylist or a ticket manager to take care of things; he took care of things himself. I’m always amazed to see superstars who can’t do anything on their own; they hand over all of their responsibilities to others, and then they’re surprised when they don’t get the results they wanted.” Tim Grover

The truth is simple:
“The truth is simple. It requires no explanation, analysis, rationale, or excuse; it’s just a simple statement that leaves no doubt…But highly successful people rarely get to hear the truth; they’re surrounded by assistants and security and aides and the PHDs who go to tremendous lengths to keep their place in the circle of trust by managing the truth, shoveling polite opinions and puffy compliments, and generally keeping the boss happy.” Tim Grover